Confusing Feelings
by Summer Seasons
Summary: "The problem wasn't that I was falling for him, it was whether to kiss him or not." Callie has to decide what's more important, her happiness or her heart.
1. Chapter 1

It was a confusing feeling-love. I had only felt it for my family, if I could even call them that. They weren't my own family, we weren't even related, but they were the only ones that I felt completely safe with. I didn't even have to try feeling this way with them. In my other foster homes, I had to believe that I loved them. I had to tell Jude that they loved us and we had to love them. It was the only way we could survive living and cleaning for them.

Jude had asked me why they sent us away. He had asked why they gave us away if they loved us. That was the first time I cried since my mother died because I knew that the more I tried to believe that the families loved us, the more it hurt when they sent us away.

My logic was dumb as a kid. Even I knew that. Telling my little brother and myself that the family loved us. The reason why I did that was because if they asked us to clean their house spotless, we could think it was just chores. If they asked us to buy them booze, it was just grocery shopping.

But with the Fosters, it felt natural. Every time Lena left me some leftovers to bring to school or when Steve offered to take Jude and I to go shopping with a willing Mariana who just can't stand my wardrobe, I feel happiness in my stomach. I don't have to pretend that they love me. Maybe they don't, maybe it's all an act, but in my heart I know at least they care for me.

Sometimes after school when Brandon has practice, Jesus will walk me home. He'll talk about the stupidest things and laugh at his own jokes. Once in a while, he'll talk about Lexi and on rare occasions, he'll talk about his birth mom and how he feels. He says that he wished Mariana would stop trying to get into contact with her and even told me that he wish he didn't take the blame for her all the time.

Brandon though, he's a little distant from me. I know he's trying to be nice, but I feel likes he's not always there. He'll just look anywhere but my eyes. I tried not thinking about Tayla telling him about Liam, but I know that's why he's avoiding me. It's not that I love Brandon. Sure, I think he's cute and all, but I don't want to disappoint Lena and Stef. I have too much at stake for me to ruin it.

Jude likes it here and so do I. I don't want to take this from him as well. I get that I'm not some saint or a nun. I understand I'm not perfect and I have my flaws, Liam being one of them, but I don't need someone constantly reminding me of them. Talya always eyes at me whenever she comes over, and that's a lot mind you, and gives me these knowing looks. Like she understands me and then degrades me.

I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt. It stings like a bitch, but I can't just let Talya ruin everything because she's jealous. Mariana has told me on one of our late heart-to-hearts that in the past Talya had bullied girls because they so much as glanced at Brandon the wrong way. This one time, she told me, Talya stayed over the entire time Brandon had over a female lab partner. Talya had made fun of her and had joked with Brandon about their sex life. She made the girl so uncomfortable, the next day she asked the teacher for a new partner.

Was I annoyed at this? Yea, sure I was. Talya had again proved my point of her being an insecure, prissy jerk. Insert other colorful words here.

The good news was that now I had a place to sit during lunch. I was so thankful when Mariana called me over to sit with her. At her table she had three girls, Lexi being one of them. The other girls were Kayla and Alexia. It was easy to tell they were nervous to sit next to me and kicked Mariana's foot underneath the table as to say "What the hell?"

And now that brings me to present day. I sat on the trunk of a rotten tree while waiting for Jesus. "Ugh, what's taking him so long?" I thought while biting into my apple Lena gave me. My new pair of jeans that Mariana gave me were still a little tight and were hard to move my legs in, so I couldn't quite get my legs in comfortable position.

"Callie?" a voice called behind me. I knew that voice anywhere. I turned around slowly silently praying that the redheaded Weasley wasn't there. I saw Brandon standing there with his bag slightly falling off of his shoulder and with his hand at his sides.

"Yea?" I asked after swallowing the last piece of my apple.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just waiting for Jesus. We walk together,"

"Oh," he said, confused, "But he already left,"

"What?" I asked surprised. Jesus said that he was going to walk with me because Brandon had practice and his friends were being "freaking annoying about the Lexi thing". "He left?"

"Yea, like thirty minutes ago," he said rubbing his head, "he looked like he was in a rush." After I was processing all the information, he asked, "Do you…uhhh… want to come with me? I was going to get some ice-cream for my moms. I don't have practice today."

"Uh, yea, yea, ok," I said, "lead the way."

He smiled slightly and started walking down the path to the nearest Vons. I grabbed my bag from the ground and shook the sand off of it. I ran after him and we got into a comfortable pace. It wasn't that it was awkward (who am I kidding, it was awkward as fu- "So, why do you walk with Jesus?" Brandon asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "He's cool." And he doesn't have a psycho girlfriend I thought bitterly. "Mariana's hogging Lexi. Guess I'm everyone's second choice,"

"Callie," Brandon sighed, "you know I'm not- no it's fine" I interrupted him.

"You don't need to explain," I said after a pause, "I get it. You know."

"Know what?" he asked.

"What Talya said. About me and …" I trailed off. This was the deep end for me and I didn't want to drown in it. Jude, I kept thinking, Stef, Lena. "Just forget about it."

"Callie," he said, "Stop." He grabbed my arm and I tried to ignore the sudden shock from it. I kept walking and tried taking my arm back but he tightened his grip. I felt that same stupid butterflies I felt when we danced together. I stop suddenly and faced him. "Why are you ignoring me?"

The surprise hit me like Talya's cheap perfume. It was like a backhand or something. "Ignore you? What are you talking about? You're the one thats been ignoring me, Brandon!" Frustration rolled onto me.

"I am not, Callie! I teach you how to play the cords on your guitar. I talk to you at home!"

I scoffed, "Yea, like two weeks ago. You act like I'm dirt. Well news flash! Sorry I'm not some redheaded bimbo!"

"Callie!" he yelled. It was the first time he yelled at me. I had only heard him from upstairs yelling at his moms or at Mariana for taking to long in the bathroom. This made me feel queasy.

"What Brandon? How do you think I'm supposed to act? You haven't even said more then three words to me other then 'Hi'. I thought we were supposed to be friends."

He flinched and I almost felt bad. "I thought we were friends," I added silently. I looked down, suddenly ashamed of myself. I knew Talya couldn't be blamed. She acted out normally. If my boyfriends started hanging out with a girl, I'd be jealous too. Reading my journal and telling Brandon was way out of line, hell it was to the moon, but all I wanted was a real friend.

I sighed. "Let's just get the ice-cream, ok? Here, Von's just down the street." I gently pried his fingers from my arm and started walking. I tried my best to avoid his sad, puppy-like eyes and keep my head calm. I listened for his footsteps but I couldn't hear them. I looked back to see him standing still and looking down.

"But we are friends," he whispered loud enough for me to hear.

"Well, you don't act like we are," I said softly, "I just want to go home. Can we make this fast?" He stared at me and then nodded slowly. We made it to the store and he grabbed a basket. We walked over to the freezer and grabbed a couple pints of everyone's favorite flavor and stood silently at the register.

To say that the walk home wasn't uncomfortable would be an understatement. It was freaking awkward. The tension was so thick you could cut it. I tried my best to start a conversation, but he would just answer with a 'it was fine'. I rolled my eyes at how the tables had turned.

We arrived home soon enough and I jetted for my room with Mariana. She was sitting there with Lexi on her bed and gossiping about boys. "Oh, hey Callie," Mariana and Lexi both said.

"Why do you look like you're about to murder the president?" Lexi joked. The good thing about being friends with Mariana was that I made other ones too. It was a blessing that Mariana and Lexi made up though. One week of horrible apologies and stalker tendencies made Mariana forgive Lexi.

I sighed loudly, "Fight with Brandon."

"What?" Mariana yelled, "about what?"

"The ignoring thing,"

"Oh, damn that sucks," she said, "how'd it start?"

"It happened when you dumbass brother ditched me at school,"

She chuckled and then looked at Lexi, "Sorry, that might have been her fault. She wanted Jesus to come here so they could talk."

I groaned, "Ugh." I then grabbed a pillow and started a pillow fight with myself. Lexi apologized and I knew I couldn't stay mad at her. She just got him back after "trying" to end it for Mariana, so she was doing her best to rebuild things slowly. "Anyway, we have ice-cream downstairs."

"Thank you Jesus!" Mariana yelled.

"Your welcome?" a voice called out.

"It's the voice of God! Oh my God!" she laughed at her own lame joke. That happened to run in the family I guessed.

"You!" I yelled at Jesus, "Thanks to you-,"

"Yea, I know. Sorry about that but this sexy lady wanted me! " he smirked. Mariana threw a pillow at him with a loud "ew" and "get a room" with the "no sex talk here".

"Let's just go downstairs and have some ice-cream," Lexi suggested. I contemplated on going with them but I said I had to use the restroom. Jesus rolled his eyes at me but nodded anyway. After washing my face and telling myself that I was a beautiful person on the inside, I went downstairs. Everyone was on the couch eating, so I took my cup of Mint n' Chip and went outside.

I sat down on the porch and sighed mentally. Taking my spoon I started eating my ice cream and thinking how things got so complicated. At least Talya isn't over I thought happily. I was just about to feel peaceful when I heard the door slid open and close. I prayed that it wasn't Brandon. I heard him sit down and put his own cup on the side. I glanced over and decided that I was going to beat Jesus the next time I see him.


	2. Chapter 2

I looked down in defeat. Ten minutes of silence later and Brandon had not made a single sound. It was so quiet you could hear people talking. Three. House. Down. I looked over at Brandon. He was fiddling with his thumbs. "He looks like a sad puppy," I thought, "a very sad one at that." He suddenly took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly. He glanced over at me, "I didn't think you would notice."

"Hard not to," I muttered, "I thought you liked me, you know as a friend, at least." Friend was a good word. You could add to that like best friend, beefy friend, boyfriend…

"I know, I know…" he sighed, "and I'm sorry for ignoring you."

The crazy part about this was that I had a gut feeling that something was really wrong. If there was anything I had learned in my sixteen years of horrible life, it was to always trust your gut. My mom used to tell me that my gut was actually made with a dash of heavenly powder that came from my guardian angel so it would act up if something were wrong.

"Why then? Why ignore me?" I asked, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice. I tried over these weeks to think positively. To think that this was just a coincidence or that he was on his period, as Mariana had suggested. I took a moment to myself to think. Could guys actually have periods? But where would the blood go? I guess it could come out of their- focus on the boy, Callie! I mentally slapped myself and instead focused on Brandon's answer.

"It's complicated," he said carefully, "Talya… well… you have to understand that she's wasn't always like this."

I scoffed, "Like what? A complete bitch?" He let out a laugh.

"Yea, like that," he said smiling slightly. "She's complicated, I guess."

"Everything' God damn complicated with you, huh pretty boy?" he rolled his eyes and I continued, "You still didn't answer my question. Why?"

He groaned loudly and fell on his back with his hands over his eyes. He moved his cup to the other side of him and put his hands behind his head looking at the stars.

"It's a complicated answer to a complicated question."

"Oh my God. You can't be serious," I said groaning as well. I fell on my back like Brandon did. I tried not to notice that our legs were bumping into each other's like on the bus. I smiled at the thought. I turned my head to look at him.

"As much as I love Talya, Brandon, why are you sticking up for her? You know what she did to me. Hell, you even saw it." And it was true. At the party she followed me into the bathroom and starting threating me about staying away from Brandon. She said she would tell the whole school about Liam and that was when I had enough. So I ran out of the bathroom, but she followed me. She started shouting that I had too much "shit going on" and that "no one wants trash"

Good thing Brandon saw right? Wrong! He saw us running out and her screaming at me and pulled her aside. Then he never really talked to me again.

"Because," he said tiredly, "because I have to or else I'll forget why I started this anyway."

I let out a breath. "Now that's complicated." He let out a laugh, "Is… is it because of what she told you about me at the party? About Liam and I?" I asked meekly. I felt my hands start to sweat and I wiped them on my jeans.

"Callie," he said seriously. Just the way he said it gave me chills, "I told you, I know everything I need to know about you."

And instead of feeling scared like I did the first time I heard him say it, I felt my heart soar like an eagle. Screw butterflies! Butterflies are used for girly girls. But eagles are for men! Manly girls I mean.

But in the end, all I could say was, "Oh." I mentally face-palmed. "Smooth, Callie, smooth," I thought to myself.

"So, it's not Liam?" I asked trying to get clarity.

"No," he said grabbing my hand, "it's not. Callie I need you to know I care for you. You need to remember that, ok?" he spoke so seriously all I could do was nod my head.

And then he was gone. He just stood up and walked back into the house. I couldn't decide what I felt more, happy and what he just said or sad that he just left.

I walked back into the house and saw that everyone had gone up to their' rooms to get ready to sleep. I took my cup and put it in the sink and started to wash it. I wiped my hands and went upstairs. In my room, I could hear Mariana and Lexi talking. I walked in silently and flopped on my bed.

"Long day, Callie?" Mariana asked cutely. I looked up at her and slammed my head back into my pillow. "Ok, don't tell me. All you should know is this," she walked over to me and leaned over to my ear, "Use a condom."

It took me a moment to understand what she said, but by the time I was going to slap her she ran over to her bed and was laughing so hard she started crying. Lexi was shaking her head and trying her best to laugh.

"We didn't do anything!" I shrieked at them. "We didn't! Ugh… give me a break!"

**Ok, so this was a shorter chapter then yesterdays but that's because I didn't have math homework to do :( By the way, this book is going to have some **_**The Fault in Our Stars **_**references (disclaimer: I don't own anything! Like ANYTHING) but it's only because I just finished the book. John Green should've written in the Bible that's all I'm saying. Thank you for reviewing and reading! I know it might annoy some people, but I like to thank people for reviewing. I'm not trying to get more of them, I'm just trying to tell ya'll that I really, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate it! Thank you so much!**


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't decided what was more annoying, the hot sun or the fact I had to wait IN the hot sun for Mariana. After school all of us were going to the mall to eat dinner and possibly get some shopping in. Normally I wasn't into all these girly things, but I was just grateful to be asked to come along.

I was sitting in Kayla's BMW with the AC on full blast. I fanned myself in the back seat and sighed loudly. "Ten minutes already! Where is she?" Kayla muttered. Kayla herself wasn't a girly girl, but she said she could do with some new clothes. She wrapped her hand around her brown hair was started pulling it into a braid.

"She said that she was coming," Alexia said, slightly angry. She told us that she had a date with some kid named Brad Saturday and needed a new dress for the occasion.

"Yea, like two hours ago!" I yelled, "Ugh… where is she?"

"She's coming! You guys need to fix your lady thongs," Lexis joked, "Mariana went to Lena's office to talk to her. She'll be here soon"

"I hope so," Alexia said, "I'd hate to leave without her. Right, Kayla?" She looked towards Kayla from the passenger seat with puppy dog eyes. "That would be the worst thing to happen, huh?"

I rolled my eyes. I would never understand girls even though I was one. I'd like to think I wasn't that complicated, just slightly challenged. I grabbed my hair tie and started putting my hair into a high ponytail. Lexis was on her phone, texting Mariana to "hurry the hell up" and that "the devil wants to leave." I looked over her shoulder and read the messages. I snickered. Alexia was a total valley girl if not anything. She got what she wanted when she wanted it, but somehow she was real sweet to us.

It took her the longest time to accept me. After all, it would ruin her reputation. I think it was around lunchtime a few days ago when she really started liking me. She had a boyfriend, who Kayla hated with all her guts, and he had dumped her after she refused to have sex with him. Alexia might have been popular, but in no way was she anything but prude.

The perfect example of the saying "You can't judge a book by its cover."

Kayla on the other hand was the complete opposite of all of us. She was the only really athletic one who could beat even guys at swimming. She hated that she wasn't allowed to swim for the guy's team, especially considering that they lost every swim meet this year. Somehow she had managed to sneak her way in and had a permanent spot on the team.

A knock on the window shook me out of my thoughts. Mariana, in all her Macy's pride, stood outside with a giant grin on her face. Alexia had tried locking her in but Lexi had smacked her head.

"Ow!" she cried before letting Mariana in the back with Lexi and I. She directed her attention to Mariana, "What the hell took you so long?" Mariana just looked smug as she entered the car. "Well?"

"You will never guess what I just found out," Mariana said smiling widely. "One word,"

"Car?" I guessed. "Tampon? Pad? Condom?" Kayla snorted.

"Ugh, I don't want to guess! Just tell!" Alexia stated, "Tell me!"

Mariana sat perfectly still with her eyes closed. Opening them to assure that all eyes were on her she yelled, "PROM!" Lexi laughed and Kayla just looked bored.

"Prom?" I asked. She looked towards me.

"Yes, prom, Callie. P-R-O-M. We get to have one this year!"

I was confused. Didn't all schools always have prom? "Uh, you guys never had one before?"

Kayla started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "No, we've had some, but two years ago they cancelled our prom because everyone got drunk and we had tons of car accidents due to it."

"Oh, well that sucks," I said, unknown of what else to say. I had been to proms before but I had never liked them. It was just for a bunch of kids who wanted a reason to have sex.

"OMG!" Alexia screamed, "I have to get a dress! We are going shopping for dresses!"

"Not to burst your bubble, bubble boobs but we don't' have money," I stated.

"Ugh, Callie! I have enough to go around! I'll just buy your dresses," she said referring to Mariana and I. We gave her dubious looks. "Seriously, my daddy won't mind."

"Are you sure?" Mariana asked with stars in her eyes, "We will pick the cheapest dress!"

Alexia laughed loving the attention, "Yes, I'm sure."

Mariana screamed and grabbed Lexis. She was beaming. We arrived at the mall and Kayla parked in the parking lot. We got out of the car and walked into the food court. We sat at a table and all went our separate ways to get food. We met up at the table.

"Ok, you will never guess what I found out!" Alexia yelled smiling. She bought herself a fruit salad with soup. "You remember bitchy Cameron, right?"

"How could we not?" Lexis said. Lexis was a strong believer that holding something in was bad for the body, so when she found out I was hiding the whole "I like Brandon but his girlfriend and her friends are being bitches" thing she went crazy.

"Well, I was with Davis on Tuesday and I heard the most shocking thing ever. Well, more like saw it but you know what I mean!"

"Do tell," Kayla inquired.

"She was with Wyatt. You know Callie's Wyatt. Making out on the beach. Like really hard!"

"What? That's impossible! Callie, are you technically still with him?" Mariana said shocked. I thought for a moment. Why did he kiss her? The last time Wyatt talked to me was after the party at his house. I hadn't talked to him since. One of the main reasons was that he was working to help pay for his family's apartment for the time being. And I never said we were dating in the first place.

"Oh… I don't think so. No, I'm pretty sure we're not," I said. To be honest, I was a little hurt. My stomach dropped and all of a sudden I felt majorly stressed. "At least I don't think so," I added sadly.

"You don't think so?" Kayla asked dubious, "You're pretty sure? Cause it seems, at least to him, that your not. So if you want to, I don't know, get with Brandon you need to make sure that your not dating him,"

I sighed, "I know, I know. It's just that, he hasn't talked to me since the party. He asked me if we were dating and I just avoided the question,"

"Well, did you guys kiss?" asked Alexia. I looked down and blushed. It wasn't my first kiss, but it was embarrassing to talk about it with other people.

"Holy shit. You did, didn't you?" Kayla slammed her drink on the table, "Callie! You dumbass!"

"It's not my fault!" I said defending myself, "Brandon's dating Talya and well, I didn't want her to think that I liked him. I needed a distraction."

Mariana shook her head and sighed, "You need to tell Wyatt you guys aren't dating. Just to be clear, you know?" she looked to me, "and besides if you guys were dating, he just cheated on you."

"That sucks," Lexi added, "Just text him. Tell him you want to talk. If he says you guys are dating dump him. I mean he did cheat on you with Talya's friend, of all girls."

"Ok," I said grabbing my phone. I texted Wyatt:

"Hey, can you meet me at the beach at our usual spot? This is important."

"Simple but sweet," Mariana said.

Wyatt replied in a second and said that he would meet me at around eight. "So now we get to go shopping!" Alexia said beaming, "and Callie, dumbass Wyatt will totally be all over you when we get you a new outfit," she said smiling.

"Alright, alright,"

"Let's go, you fatass'!" she cheered.

"Dear Lord," Kayla muttered.

After many "does this make me look fat?" and "ew, God you look like my mother" and the occasional "you're a whore", we were able to get amazing outfits for decent prices. Although we wanted to go dress shopping for prom, the stores weren't stocked yet. I guess we were a little early, but Alexia's promise still stood that she would pay for our dresses.

We walked back to the car and Kayla dropped Lexi, Mariana, and I at our house. With practically five bags each, we walked in and up to my room.

"So, what are you going to say to him?" Mariana asked, putting her bags on the floor. Lexi was spawned on my bed and was looking though her phone.

"Yea, I mean you can't just walk in there unprepared," Lexi said. Mariana nodded.

"Exactly,"

"I don't' know, probably something like 'Are we dating?' or something like that,"

"That could work," Mariana said. She was now facing me and was hugging her pillow. Suddenly the door opened and in came Jesus with his normal smirk.

"Hello to my favorite ladies in the world," he said, lying down by Lexi. They shared a quick kiss and he brought his arm around her neck. "What I'd miss?"

"Callie's gonna meet with cheaty-mcgoober-pants," Lexi muttered frowning.

"Whoa, seriously? Wyatt cheated?" he said wide-eyed.

"Well, we're not dating, so not really cheating," I explained.

"She doesn't even know if they are or not," Mariana stated.

"No?" Jesus asked, looking at me.

"Not really, Ugh… this is just complicated,"

"Yea, well I've seen him around and he usually drunk. Crazy guy, you would think he's always high or something," he chuckled. He got up and kissed Lexi again and said, "Good luck with that. Later babe, I'm going to hang with Brandon,"

"Since when do you hang out with Brandon willingly?" Mariana asked.

"Since now,"

"Brat,"

He laughed and waved goodbye. He closed the door and Mariana and Lexi helped me get dressed into a nice pair of jeans and a shirt with sweater.

"You look good," commented Lexi. Mariana nodded in agreement.

"Good luck gal! Call if you need a ride,"

"You don't have a car though,"

"Brandon does," Lexi said, wiggling her eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and walked downstairs. I grabbed some water and off I was to determine if I was single. For Brandon, I added slyly.

_**Hiiiii! Oh my Lord Tubbinton I was so busy! Summer school stinks. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I'll cut to the chase- I've lost interest in this story. Now let me explain. My computer broke a week after posting chapter 3, and I went to go get it fixed. Of course, it had to be the worst thing possible- an internal computer thingy had, in other words, exploded because someone heavy stepped on my computer. Now, I don't have a lot of money, you know, because I'm a teen, and all of my files on chapter 4 were on my computer. You know, the Callie confronts Wyatt thing. And yes, things got ugly.**

**I was copying down the chapter from my piece of paper that I made some changes with, when my old computer (that they "fixed") shut down on me. I took it to Apple and they said that it couldn't be fixed without losing all my data (on the chapter and a SCIENCE PRESENTATION) because I didn't back it up. So, I got a new computer, because my dad felt bad for me, and yea… that's where I stand.**

**Now the reason I'm not interested was because I'm someone who hates repeating something. I can't stand it. Now, I'm not dropping the story, but until I get my mojo back, I'm going to put this on hold. I know some people might say I'm making excuses for being lazy, but here's the thing. I've been on this site for years now. I never posted anything because I was scared I would be bad at writing. But with 30 reviews, 86 follows, and 39 favorites, you guys have really changed me. And that might not seem like a lot, but it really is to me. Now I want to write more, but different things. **

**I will update. SOON. Trust me. **

**Also, thank you for really making me happy. I've been going through some rough patches. My parents are a real sore topic if you know what I mean. Thank you guys so much. I mean it.**


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